Lets replace the Pot

 An old conversation with friends on marriage and kids during our college days got stuck in my mind lately. 

Those days when we were not very keen to get married, and I would joke around saying that, if there is one thing I would consider a good-enough reason to get married and have kids that would be to have sons so that I could raise them up to be a change in the stereotypical patriarchal society of ours. So was it, God gave me two sons, maybe He is convinced  of my idea!

Parenting in this generation has taken a paradigm shift, the goals for raising girls have evolved, but those for raising boys have stayed stagnant somehow.

Progressive parents are encouraging their daughters to take the steps necessary to secure an independent, fulfilling life now, more so than ever.

This is all well and good, but what we are not doing is preparing our sons for women who possess these values.

Now that I am raising two boys in my home, I have been meticulously trying to break away from the generational mis-conceptions about gender-based roles and tags. From involving them in small parts while cooking, cleaning, organizing things, reading, washing, sweeping, gardening , serving guests and more. It even includes talking to them about emotions,  letting them know that it is fine to cry out loud and express what they feel and not bottle up things, just because he needs to ‘be a man’. And that they can like pink and green because colours don’t have genders.  Then I realized how important it is to not only tell them what to do but let them see me doing what I teach them.

We must be aware of our own biases and prejudices, and how we might convey these unconsciously or subtly. All through the years, I did something involving them especially my six year old son, Rishon. Our new skill challenge was to learn how to tighten and loosen nuts and bolts. It all started when he saw me fixing one of his bicycle’s tyre. Usually , they say it’s the daddy’s job to teach them these skills but  I would never wait for anyone to fix things which I can. On some days when the dad was busy, I would drive to pick gas or take them to hospitals late night. Open electrical appliances to see what went wrong, fix light bulbs, do carpentry works, of course not that am an expert in these entirely but I want them to normalize ‘it’s a men’s job or women’s job’ thing.

We need to change how we raise boys, not just girls so to contribute to the equal progress of both.

Raising boys without gender stereotypes, especially ones that enforce archaic power dynamics, will help them grow into adults who are able to adapt to changing gender expectations in careers, society, and relationships.

As a plant grows, it is often not enough to keep watering it. Eventually, the pot needs to be replaced by a bigger one to allow the plant to flourish.